I Never Got To Eat Dinner With Your Family
and make awkward conversation with your mom while she preps the lasagna.
Let her ask me what I'm doing after graduation, as she spreads the ricotta
and I bare enough courage to say I'm not sure.
"Oh, well what do you want to do?" I'm not sure
"Where do you want to live?" I'm not sure
"What did you study in school?" I'm not sure
"Well, I hope you're hungry" I'm not sure butIreallylikeyoursonisthatokay?
And she'd look from me, to you, with those protective eyes and ask you to stay back and help with the sauce.
So maybe instead, I'd hit it off with your older brother since we both played lacrosse.
Pass a ball in your front lawn and he'd tell me all your embarrassing stories and
the best ways to make you mad but also, you're his little brother and not once did you ever
rat him out for coming home late or
smoking weed on the roof and
you are "one loyal little brother, you can count on that."
Then we'd wash our hands for dinner where maybe I'd sit down next to your sister because, after all,
she's the most important person to impress.
So, of course, I'd spill the green beans
she asked me to pass then try to cover it up by saying something clever like "cool necklace."
And she'd give me a half-smile but notice I'm just nervous so she might be understanding and
tell me how she bought it on the boardwalk in Venice and I'd tell her
"I was in California last week!" but she meant Italy, and wasn't really impressed.
I wish you could have taken me camping
early on a Tuesday, far away from here
That way, somewhere between hiding from rain showers in the tent and
climbing rocks towards the sunset,
I could tell you how I really feel.
I like to pretend we have more time, enough time
to stay up all night playing 20 questions and
I tell you a secret and you tell me a secret and we no longer have to be so polite around each other.
It sounds kind of nice
to be angry with you
But I never got to yell, only once did I cry
I would have liked more tears, more promise
More to be scared of, more to lose
More "stop it" with a smirk
Pursed lips when you don't want to talk about it and
Late-night whispers, half-asleep, when we both tell the truth
More "I'm not sure but we'll figure it out" and a better conversation with your dad
because he couldn't make it that night for dinner.