I Never Got To Eat Dinner With Your Family


and make awkward conversation with your mom while she preps the lasagna.
Let her ask me what I'm doing after graduation, as she spreads the ricotta 

and I bare enough courage to say I'm not sure.
"Oh, well what do you want to do?" I'm not sure
"Where do you want to live?" I'm not sure
"What did you study in school?" I'm not sure

"Well, I hope you're hungry" I'm not sure butIreallylikeyoursonisthatokay?
And she'd look from me, to you, with those protective eyes and ask you to stay back and help with the sauce.

So maybe instead, I'd hit it off with your older brother since we both played lacrosse.
Pass a ball in your front lawn and he'd tell me all your embarrassing stories and

the best ways to make you mad but also, you're his little brother and not once did you ever

rat him out for coming home late or

smoking weed on the roof and

you are "one loyal little brother, you can count on that."

Then we'd wash our hands for dinner where maybe I'd sit down next to your sister because, after all, 

she's the most important person to impress.

So, of course, I'd spill the green beans

she asked me to pass then try to cover it up by saying something clever like "cool necklace."

And she'd give me a half-smile but notice I'm just nervous so she might be understanding and

tell me how she bought it on the boardwalk in Venice and I'd tell her

"I was in California last week!" but she meant Italy, and wasn't really impressed.

 

I wish you could have taken me camping

early on a Tuesday, far away from here

That way, somewhere between hiding from rain showers in the tent and

climbing rocks towards the sunset,

I could tell you how I really feel.

 

I like to pretend we have more time, enough time

to stay up all night playing 20 questions and

I tell you a secret and you tell me a secret and we no longer have to be so polite around each other.

It sounds kind of nice 

to be angry with you

 

But I never got to yell, only once did I cry

I would have liked more tears, more promise 

More to be scared of, more to lose 

More "stop it" with a smirk

Pursed lips when you don't want to talk about it and

Late-night whispers, half-asleep, when we both tell the truth

 

More "I'm not sure but we'll figure it out" and a better conversation with your dad

because he couldn't make it that night for dinner.